Otherworldly U.S. Open

You may tune in to watch the U.S. Open golf championship that begins on Thursday and concludes on Sunday. You may also ask, “Where on God’s green earth are they playing this thing?”

My answer: the moon. This can’t be earth and nothing is green. I don’t know how everyone got there for this prestigious tournament, but I promise you that they are playing it on the lunar surface. Barren, scarred, lumpy, made of green cheese, this golf course is most certainly on the moon.

OK, it’s not on the moon. It’s in Tacoma, Washington, and it’s a links-style course called Chambers Bay. It was built on a former gravel pit (insert your own pits joke here). It is one of the longest courses to ever host the Open, but the yardage will vary, according to the U.S. Golf Association, from 7,300-7,700 yards. What it lacks in overall appeal, it makes up for with its lovely tree. Yes, the course has one tree, somewhere out there by the 15th hole.

To quote Hunter S. Thompson (a space traveler in his own right): It still hasn’t gotten weird enough for me. So …

The course appears to be yellow because of the fescue grass. Do not attempt to adjust your television. The tees slope in a variety of directions. Do not attempt to adjust your equilibrium. Par changes on the first and last holes, so they can be par-4 or par-5, with variable distances. Do not attempt to keep score at home.

The purse will be $10 million, $1 million more than last year. I think that’s a bribe. This isn’t golf, it’s a walk in the wilderness, on what looks like the dark side of the moon.
 
 
Post By: Larry Weisman, a longtime sportswriter for USA TODAY, blogs for Twistity.com. Follow him on Twitter @MrLarryWeisman.