VOIDING YOUR BLATTER

The soccer scandal is real and serious, and it has been for way too many years. International soccer’s payoffs and bribes, especially when picking World Cup sites, makes The Sopranos look like Happy Days. United States authorities allege that $150 million in bribes has been paid to 14 people, nine of them officials.

As investigations continue and indicted individuals decide whether or not to spill their guts, FIFA president Sepp Blatter suddenly announced on Tuesday that he would resign. He was, unbelievably, reelected last week, two days after the scandal broke. Blatter has not been indicted but is said to be under investigation. This is akin to checking into reports that the sun is a big yellow thing.

While cleaning up the world’s most popular sport is an idea whose time has come (and gone, and come, and gone), the best part is the jokes. How can we go wrong with someone named Blatter?

Social media abounds with great lines. Soccer has relieved its Blatter. The gall of Blatter. Soccer treats Blatter infection.

Blatter’s statement on Tuesday sounded so much like the duplicitous Captain Renault in Casablanca, who declares his shock that gambling is going on in a casino, while he accepts his winnings. Blatter declared that “FIFA needs a profound overhaul.” After four full terms running this money-changing outfit, he realized that? Blatter? More like Blather.

Brazil has massive soccer stadiums it built for the last World Cup that now go unused. Russia and Qatar, the next two hosts, are worried that they could lose their precious opportunities (and no, there are no money-back guarantees). The beautiful game has an ugly underbelly and that’s never been a secret.

Blatter up.
 
 
Post By: Larry Weisman, a longtime sportswriter for USA TODAY, blogs for Twistity.com. Follow him on Twitter @MrLarryWeisman .